1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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