I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize