I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
