Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
