I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
