You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You left your phone here
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