You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
