they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
