I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
