He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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