it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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