1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
