after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
