Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
