the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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