blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
