we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
