1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You may now shotgun with the bride
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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