is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
