you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
