my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
