mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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