new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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