you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
