yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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