i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Still dying that you shit outside
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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