If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
