i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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