I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
