Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
