I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize