i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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