This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
