I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize