I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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