Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish I only lived at night.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
