It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
