id be glad to
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
