i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Randomize
