Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
