You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
