i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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