Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
