just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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