He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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