She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
