If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
