I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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