you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
