i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
