winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
