No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
