Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
