I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
