my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You're a waste of cheezeits
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
