haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
