also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
