I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
