you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
