just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
