Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
