thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
