How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize