he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize