Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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