I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
