I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
MIDGETS
????
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
