They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
