I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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