The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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