swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
soo... how was my night?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
