I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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