Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
