You really coming over, don't trick.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
