there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
